Posts tagged ‘Culture’

October 13, 2013

LIfe Decisions at Dunkin’ Donuts

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Dr. Phil says that there are 7 decisions which we make during our lives that determine whether we will be wintering in Aruba or spending it in Hartford, Connecticut collecting returnable bottles in a discarded shopping cart.  I made the decision not to navigate his site looking for an explanation of the ‘Big 7,’ but I wondered how it could be narrowed down to just seven.  I mean, it couldn’t be the same for everyone; not all of us will have to decide whether to stay home and use the Ouija Board with crazy Mary or go to Ford’s Theatre.  And, if you are aware of what the ‘Big 7’ are and you know that you just went all-in on number 7, does that mean that all future decisions you make will not have life altering effects?  That could be cool.

But anyhoo, I’m quite sure that one of Dr. Phil’s ‘Big 7’ is not going into a Dunkin’ Donuts and ordering a dozen donuts.  You wouldn’t feel this way, however, if you took note of how some people handle this process.

In most Dunkin’ Donuts store I’ve gone into, there are (yes, I’ve counted – field study) approximately 15-17 different donut types on display (without the fruit flies that appear to prefer “la boulange” at Starbucks.).

Now, just for review in the chance that you are on the negative side of the education gap, in most cases there are 12 donuts in a dozen.

So you are choosing 12 out of a possible 15-17 options.

Despite the limited options people enter this process like it demands some sort of critical intelligence.  They put more thought in which 12 donuts will make it into the box than they do in choosing a candidate for President.  They give their order with more pauses and “aahs” than a Ted Kennedy speech.

“Oh my God, what if I do not like some of the options, which ones do I double up on?”  Aaahhhhhhh!!!!  They look around feverishly for a Democrat to tell them what the best choice for them to make is.

This is not Powerball; you do not win a prize if you pick the correct combination of donuts.

This could be a game show:  “Would you like the prize behind the Bavarian Kreme or what lies behind the Double Chocolate Cake donut?  You have 10 seconds!”

Just tell the light-on-the-English clerk to throw 12 of the damn things in a box and drag your fat ass back to your mini-van!  Unless you are in your mini-van and you are making this order through the drive-through window, in which case the customer behind you ought to be allowed to destroy you and your vehicle with a rocket propelled grenade.

And remember, there is probably a customer behind you that would just like to get a coffee and get out of there…and it’s probably me!

July 18, 2013

Where’s the outrage? The law?

Where's the outrage?  The law?

July 13, 2013

I Disagree Because You’re An Ugly Idiot

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This is why I quit drinking.

Trying to have a reasonable, intelligent conversation within the comments section of an online story or article is like trying to reason with a babbling drunk.  Then again, I’ve known drunks who were surprisingly able to coherently and intelligently present a case for one thing or another better than many who take part in online “discussions,” yes, it may have been on why they should have another drink, but even so…

The right to free speech and the internet have served to strengthen how foreigners view Americans; they’re vulgar, egotistical, and classless while also not being ashamed to prove it.  With overinflated and undeserved egos, many online commenters disregard reasoned and tactful discussion for loud and obnoxious personal attacks as if they were being turned away at the DMV.  Winning friends and influencing people is less of a goal than is feeding some deep seated vengeance against social failure.

No matter the issue or which side of the issue you choose to look at, each will be supported with comments from those that choose to bring their deviant social behavior to the online world.  Serving up a shot from the ‘benefit of the doubt’ bottle, we might surmise that the internet is still relatively young, and we are therefore like children in a young world, still learning how to act when mom and dad are not holding our hand.

We are slugged with comments heavy with bias and passion and light on logic and knowledge.  This is how we eat, drink, and stumble through life.  Beevis and Butthead are alive and well and they’re using the internet. 

Trashmouth commenting is supported by our buddies who slap us on the back and let us drive home drunk; by a nonprofessional media world drooling for conflict; and by the little tramp at home willing to agree with anything you do because you have empowered her miserable little life with three- minute sex.

As I write this, the Zimmerman NOT GUILTY verdict has been delivered.  Read the comments section of stories covering this decision and watch the vitriol flow like drool from the lips of an infant.

Please feel free to leave your comments below.

June 28, 2013

GAY DIVORCE

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After all, gay couples are equal to straight couples, right?

America once had a problem with the issue of divorce.  Now, we’re pretty good at it.  No problem.  Nearly half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce.

Into this melodrama enters gay couples, giving Gloria Allred type people a whole new line of legal work.

Susan Sommer, a Lambda Legal director, has already fired another shot in the battle of gay rights.  Sommer told the Wall Street Journal (“Same-sex Divorce Stats Lag”) that as far as gay couples getting divorced, there is “no reason to deprive them of this really important right.”  Sommer claims that states will not grant divorces to gay couples hitched in another state.  Some gay marriage supporters claim that the reason gay couples should be allowed to marry is so that they can get divorced (loveandpride.com).

You know you have really arrived at the level of equal rights when you have the right to divorce.  Similarly, when gay married couples in Kentucky start appearing on episodes of COPS beating on each other, you’ll know that change and equality has come to America.

Perhaps data will not be collected for gay divorces as noisy civil rights type people complain that it stigmatizes a minority group in the population.

The Wall Street Journal article says that worldwide statistics for gay divorce are very limited, even in countries that have allowed gay marriage for quite some time.  The tracking record in the United States is even weaker, obviously.  According to the Journal article, most often, in any divorce, the genders of the parties involved in a divorce are not recorded. A lesbian couple in Oklahoma was granted a divorce; the divorce was ruled void when it was discovered that the couple were of the same sex (marriageequality.org).  So, gathering that data will take some research.

And look at that, Esther Rothblum, San Diego State University professor and her crew have received a $1.2 million dollar grant from the federal government (was this stimulus money?) to see how those gay couples that tied the civil knot in Vermont in 2000 and 2001 are doing today compared with their straight friends who coupled at the same time.

I’m sure the long running television show Divorce Court is mining the field trying to get their first gay divorce.

June 4, 2013

How To Have Sex With A Horse

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The point is that we far too often make choices based on the scantiest of logic or knowledge. Would you have clicked on this post if it had the title, “How To Title Your Posts?”

We far too often judge a book by its cover, leap before we look, measure once and cut twice, and put the cart before the metaphorical horse.  We end up stepping in horseshit and are then surprised and disappointed that the results are not what we desired.

We far too often act against our own best interests while shunning responsibility and assigning blame.  We need to hear more people say, “Boy, was I dumbass for doing that!”  The folks at Campbell’s – the soup guys – had it right with their marketing of V8 Juice – “I could of had a V8!”

I suppose this is all ok as long as we alone suffered a minimum of discomfort, like sitting in your own wet shorts; as long as no great harm came to anyone or ourselves and if no one else was responsible for picking up after our momentary lapse of reason.  This is not always the case.

Often, the negative consequences of our backasswards decision making are not evident until some point in the future; which, I suppose, brings up the question that if some one was ignorant enough to have made the decision in the first place, may they then also be too ignorant to realize the future damage when it slaps them aside the coconut?

Definitely, but this is often as much of a case of ignorance as it is a case of denial.  When reality raises its thrill-killing head we usually issue the standard wide-eyed, mouth-hanging-open expression of, “What?!”  Or, if you are D.B. Cooper jumping from a plane: “Oh, shit!”

We get there because we like what looks good, feels good, sounds good, and because some twit at the bar said it was good.  We say “to hell with tomorrow and hurray for today;” but, my friends, morning comes early.

Nobody likes to look stupid, but most of us are.

The End – phew; got through that without once making mention of the people who voted for Obama.

May 13, 2013

LIFE WITHOUT THE INTERNET

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I’m not talking about 20-25 years ago, I’m talking about this morning!

Mondays are (ostensibly) my day off and I like to get out early in the morning and hit the coffee shop du jour – or de la semaine in this case – and read the morning news via various iPad apps while drinking way too much coffee (no wonder I’m so jacked up over the day’s news).

This morning I chose to grace a version of Starbucks that is found in West Hartford, CT.  I say ‘version’ because each Starbucks store is different; each has its own ambiance, aura, style, and each will fire the writing and thinking neurons in different ways – a sort of spacial muse.

This particular West Hartford barrister training ground is found in West Hartford center, where along with the Blue Back Square area of the town is, for the average guy from Maine, quite fu-fu.  Thus, when the hanging bells on the door ring it is usually to announce the arrival of high heels or suits, soon followed by the calling out of some coffee drink that takes a half-minute to say.  At any rate, one would expect this particular Starbucks location to be at the top of their game; full of experienced and efficient barristers, clean bathrooms, a bakery display sans the fruit flies, easy chairs that do not make you itch, and fully functioning internet (it is the 21st century after all).

Everything was great except for the latter of these requirements needed to enjoy my simple morning pleasure.

Imagine my horror (I heard someone in West Hartford say that) when after firing up the old iPad, I discovered that the store’s internet connection was on the fritz.  My God!  Would I have to buy a newspaper; the New York Times, or worse, the once popular and credible USA Today?!!  Where will I get news of the fresh blame placed on Republicans by President Obama?!  More importantly (so it seems), how will I know what’s in store for this week’s American Idol finale?!!

There was actually someone at a table across the room who was reading a book…a real book, with a cover and a spine, not one of those ‘e’ things.

I wasn’t able to go into my Yahoo Mail account and delete all the spam emails that had collected overnight, which seem to be attracted to Yahoo like dust to a Swifter.  I don’t play games, electronic or otherwise, so that element of the internet wasn’t an issue.

However, time had not completely reverted back to the time of the Commodore64.  Thanks to the iPad and a clever little app called, “Offline Reader,” which I had, over the past few weeks, ignored copyright laws and loaded with news and opinions pieces culled from the web, I was able to have my morning dose of skewed reality reading.

After nearly 2 hours, I went to have breakfast and then home for a nap – let’s see them come up with an app for that!  The way in which we do some things will never change.

So, where would you be if tomorrow morning you were met with a total internet blackout, mobile and otherwise?  And, taken a step further, a total loss of cell phone usage?  Would you stop on your way work to a use a pay phone in order to call one of your 349 “friends” to tell them what silly thing your pet did that morning?  How would you make up for the loss of being able to tweet about what a twit some celebrity is according to what you last saw on Entertainment Tonight?

I have to go and charge the battery to my iPad.