Archive for July, 2013

July 20, 2013

We Are Going To Have A Conversation Today

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We are going to have a conversation today that will be based on emotion rather than the facts.  When facts are entered into the conversation, they will be dismissed and ignored as being emblematic of what I consider to be a larger social injustice.

You will know when this occurs as I will become more and more illogical in my retorts.

We are going to have a conversation today where my hypocrisy is not to be made an issue.  Your hypocrisy has been a historic nightmare of oppression and I think it is time some guys like me had some fun.

Equality is a rascal, isn’t it?

We are going to have a conversation today where my irresponsibility, stupidity, ignorance, and failures are not to be questioned.  These are baseless generalizations that have no standing in my perception of the facts.

That white powder in that vial is medicine for a post-traumatic stress disorder – living in society with you.

We are going to have a conversation today where elements of your culture, your religion, and your social norms are to be accepted as prima facie evidence of all of my ills.  I will mix pride and disgust with these issues for selective righteous and defensive evidence of my moderation while showcasing your radical thought patterns.

During our conversation I will give you water but you may not drink it.

We are going to have a conversation today where your intelligent discourse will be curtailed.  When it is allowed, I am obligated to equate that as your maintaining a condescending attitude toward people who haven’t the desire or the skills necessary to think for themselves.  Instead, my classless quips and rhetorical laments shall be inferred as being a unique and strategic method of connecting with those who prefer or better understand such low level drivel.

Words matter.

We are going to have conversation today where, lacking an intelligent response, I may show extreme indignation for what you say.  My illogical emotional outbursts will be considered to be a sign of my competitiveness and drive for freedom from your oppressive society.

You will know when this occurs as I will become loud and obnoxious, while also becoming quite repetitive.

So, less it be said that I am obstructing this conversation, what have you to say?

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July 18, 2013

Where’s the outrage? The law?

Where's the outrage?  The law?

July 13, 2013

I Disagree Because You’re An Ugly Idiot

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This is why I quit drinking.

Trying to have a reasonable, intelligent conversation within the comments section of an online story or article is like trying to reason with a babbling drunk.  Then again, I’ve known drunks who were surprisingly able to coherently and intelligently present a case for one thing or another better than many who take part in online “discussions,” yes, it may have been on why they should have another drink, but even so…

The right to free speech and the internet have served to strengthen how foreigners view Americans; they’re vulgar, egotistical, and classless while also not being ashamed to prove it.  With overinflated and undeserved egos, many online commenters disregard reasoned and tactful discussion for loud and obnoxious personal attacks as if they were being turned away at the DMV.  Winning friends and influencing people is less of a goal than is feeding some deep seated vengeance against social failure.

No matter the issue or which side of the issue you choose to look at, each will be supported with comments from those that choose to bring their deviant social behavior to the online world.  Serving up a shot from the ‘benefit of the doubt’ bottle, we might surmise that the internet is still relatively young, and we are therefore like children in a young world, still learning how to act when mom and dad are not holding our hand.

We are slugged with comments heavy with bias and passion and light on logic and knowledge.  This is how we eat, drink, and stumble through life.  Beevis and Butthead are alive and well and they’re using the internet. 

Trashmouth commenting is supported by our buddies who slap us on the back and let us drive home drunk; by a nonprofessional media world drooling for conflict; and by the little tramp at home willing to agree with anything you do because you have empowered her miserable little life with three- minute sex.

As I write this, the Zimmerman NOT GUILTY verdict has been delivered.  Read the comments section of stories covering this decision and watch the vitriol flow like drool from the lips of an infant.

Please feel free to leave your comments below.

July 6, 2013

Spending The Day With Stupid

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Quietly sitting in my smoking perch, the back veranda (well, it’s actually a porch but I’m trying to sound high-minded here), I am able to observe humanity in it’s less than glorious state.  While gazing at this living edition of Cracked magazine I shake my head and say to the squirrel eating a nut on a nearby tree, “..and these people are allowed to vote, have children, and install your cable TV.”

In this instant, while far too many in society are stumbling their way through a life pattern that resembles a closed circle, I am insulated from this social plague by distance, nicotine, and caffeine.   Unfortunately I do not live on an island off of the coast of Maine, so at some point I have to wrap myself in my stupid-condom and become intimate with what is passing for civilization in 2013.

Entering the house to ready myself for the day, I pass the television in the sitting room (living room for those not of high-mindedness) just as the morning news began a story on a local murder.  It was 6:30 in the morning and there, in living color, was this on-sight roaming reporter, broadcasting live outside the court house, which at this time of the morning was dark and empty, but where in 4 hours the alleged murderer would be arraigned.  Every so often during her story, the reporter would turn, look and point at the court house as if expecting it to saunter up at any minute and issue an official statement.  As to the story, apparently some scumbag disrespected another scumbag (neither one of them who were able to spell or correctly define ‘respect’) and so scumbag #2 shot scumbag #1 through the coconut.  Number 2 was apprehended by the men and women of law enforcement when his getaway was hindered by the fact that he was wearing his pants half way down around his ass.

I make my way to City Hall, whose walls are adorned with the photographs of the convicted and non-convicted felons who once served time as Mayor of this ‘great city’ due to the power of the ‘rational’ and ‘informed’ voter, to pay the property tax on my mobile property – my car. I’m standing in line behind a woman who is wearing house slippers and who is talking loudly on her cell phone (apparently someone didn’t ‘axe’ someone else if they could ‘do dat’) at the same time she was being helped by the clerk-type person.  The clerk handed the woman a form and said, “Sign here, ma’am.”  The woman’s mouth fell open, her eyes bulged out and, disturbed by the fact that her telephone conversation was being interrupted by what the clerk was “axing” her to do, said, “What?”  “Sign here, please,” said the clerk again.  The woman, with an unabashed lack of logic and intuition, said, “Sign my name?”  I’m thinking to myself, “No, sign my name, you ignorant tramp!”

Having paid my taxes so that the non-English speaking residents of this city are able to eat better than I, I headed for a coffee fix at Dunkin´ Donuts.  Putting on my best “no cigarettes and no change” look, I maneuvered my way around the unofficial Dunkin’ Donuts greeters and entered the store.  After 10 minutes of waiting in line, watching and listening and wondering what the hell country I was in, I was one person away from scoring my fix.  “America Runs On Dunkin’,” unfortunately the American idiot directly in front of me did not.  After having spent more than 10 minutes in line, this moron had no idea what he wanted and instead, acted like it was the first time he had ever stepped foot in an place that is on more street corners in America than hookers.  It’s a good thing that God made breathing non-voluntary.

I witnessed a man putting $5.00 worth of gas in his car and then burning most of that as he left the gas station like he was Wendell Scott, taking the red-light he went through as a mere suggestion rather than a minor law society enacts to keep order.

I passed a convenience store where several young people were leaning on and talking around a trash can, while throwing their soda bottles and candy wrappers on the ground.

And then there was the usual sighting of the “red-light creepers.”  You know who they are.  They will approach a red-light but stop well before the light.  As soon as another car comes up behind them, they creep forward a bit and stop.  The car behind does the same.  This process is repeated until the light finally turns green.  Today, the “creeper” was the second car waiting for the light, but with plenty of room between him and the first car.  Car number three comes up from behind.  The “creeper” jumps forward and stops.  Number three doesn’t move.   The “creeper” repeats this but the third car still holds still.  The “creeper” then makes three 3 quick jumps forward.  Again, number three doesn’t move.  Again, the “creeper” jumps forward.  BANG!  He runs into the first car.

Sometimes stupid can give me a reason to smile.